July 6, 2010

Dear God,
I have to find a way to relieve the stress inside me. I thought this is as good as anything. I'm not sure who all will want to read it, but as you know, I'm a very blunt person. That just means I will type this to you as I normally talk to you. As we both know, sometimes, it just isn't very nice. I think you understand me enough to know that.

I hate having cancer. I don't know why I was the one chosen for this disease. Lung cancer of all things!! Couldn't you have found something that at least had a cure? I'm rather sick of being one of your poster children for having some of the worst things in the world happen to them. Especially since I try so hard to do good things. Many people would argue the point and say you did not cause this within me. I disagree.... at least, you allowed it to happen. And that pisses me off!! I have no bargaining chips... nothing to exchange for this cancer. And, btw, five years of possible life? I'm not ready to die between now and age 56. I want at least another 20 years. Is that so much to ask for? You allow so many horrible people to live way past their prime. I just don't get it...

Jackie
P.S. Thanks for peanut butter.